Perspectives: Part One

While watching a hockey game one evening, I received a Facebook message from my cousin Glenn who lives in China and teaches English at a private University in Shanghai and also has a family there. Since there is a 12 hour time difference, messages are not always received or returned as promptly as one may like.

However, he sent me 2 stories about my parents. My cousin Glenn is the oldest son of my Father's oldest sister. Howie is my Father's youngest brother.Grandma was having her last child when my Aunt was having Glenn. They are weeks apart in age. So, reading these stories opened my eyes to my parents in such a way that really made me feel a tad guilty about my feelings for them. More so with my Mother as the dementia has set in and changed her memory to almost non-existent. So here is a story about my Mother before I knew her as such! Incidentally, Glenn has 8 other siblings!!

 

This happened the year they married or maybe the year before I cannot say but I know it was  summer holidays for me in Quinton

Typical beyond beautiful, a really nice day, blue skies day, cloudless but not those famous scorching prairie Julys.

Granny Kauth gave Howie and me maybe two week heads up ~warning that your mom was coming so this built some kind of heavy suspense for two budding teenage boys

The day is a complete memory and I cannot say why but I do remember that day vividly!

I also remember when your dad left Quinton to join the DND but...

That is another story but a complete memory too plus I almost died

I digress ...sorry

The day she arrived was a pictoral memory... like a painting

Really beautiful something like minimal painting by Mondrian

 or Impessionist Manet.

The light was so like her reddish or yellowish hair her blue dress with maybe red lipstick really beautiful lady!

 

Howie and I budding little nerds who were starting to find girls kind of interesting then..aged 12`13`14 really cannot pin down exactly

You could probably tell me since you were born following year

Well anyway...

Howie was a local kid and not as desirable nor exotic as I was to the local girls.

Especially "Cocker" Degelman's daughter cannot remember her name... (Shelly) yes that's it!

We had shared some letters after Bob Van Vliet goaded me to dance with her at a party at his house

Then she invited me to her birthday party later that year.

Howie teased me so much I never went.

So this Bob Van Vliet was the kid most likely to succeed

Very popular with the girls great hockey player and sports man

(He fell afoul of the Canadian police the RCMP and is or was in prison for a long stretch) diverge..

 

His uncle a famous U of S professor of agriculture and the other uncle a famous Canadian diplomat.

The diplomats daughter Julie Van Vliet was my first real "love"

But I diverge from your mom again...sorry

 

The day you mom came to meet granny and grandpa was the..

Same day as the primary colours red blue and yellow

The main memory of that July in Quinton Saskatchewan is yellow

Mainly the sun the heat and your moms attitude was very sunny in her friendly way

She was shy like you.. I think... and needed to be kind to us so really trying to be kind to Howie and me.

That day Bob Van Vliet was doing chores for Otto his dad at the "general" store

The store and the house were adjoining so they lived in the store essentially

I m sure it was Saturday and Bob was doing a garbage run.

Bob's mom Kate a fire brand who smoked like a chimney and had orange stains under her nose like

Adolf Hitler's moustache... cannot ever forget that... lol.

His dad Otto was so sainted because his wife Kate was domineering! That is an understatement too!

 

Anyway Bob was too busy to join us but I noticed he was trashing these tubed girdles

Never seen anything like since nor before but hey... this is something that I can use..

 

The girdles were packaged in tubes like Pringle potato chips and since I am a scrounger

I took one or two tubed girdles.

 

Awkward is an understatement but it was awkward meeting for all of us

Our granny was herself and held it all together being so nice and loving

But I digress again....

Herein lies the story...

We met uncle Ernie and your mom along the road since they had been dropped off on the highway

since they had taken the Greyhound bus to Quinton

Nothing glamorous at all, maybe dusty I really can't say.

Howie and I were not so keen on meeting this lady but your dad yes of course

Your mom tried so hard to show kindness to us but we were just nerds

We had no social skills and rural Saskatchewan we had never seen such a beautiful lady!

I am sure we were speechless.

You mom tried so hard to find some nice things to say or ask but really... Karen we were completely in awe!

Howie said nothing absolutely nada!

I think I was in shock or something and acted in some kind of reflex reaction

But your mom was so nice to us and so beautiful words cannot describe that moment

I blurted out some fat remark handed her the girdle Howie and I headed for the hills

I don't think we wanted to come home for supper hoping your mom and dad would go back to Ontario

or

Quebec wherever...just go away...

Remember we were just 12 or 13 and our metabolism was equal to the times

We had to come home for supper no matter what...

So after cooler heads prevailed Howie convinced me that we should go home for supper.

 

So embarrassing cannot describe my feelings and your mom was like princess Diana so kind and nice to Howie and me

I could have died and she even thanked me for being so kind to give her a present

The tension I felt that supper is still in my heart.

 

PLUS

Your moms beauty kind personality and shy human contact is clear as day still over~ X~ amount of years since you were born.

 

I think or I know that is why I really feel a lot closer to you than you may realize~ all because of how nice your mom is!

 

That frikin' day I was so rude to such a beautiful lady like your mom

Before this happened was another time I vividly remember

This day was the PARTY.....

Yes,the party!! That is a story for another time indeed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Q

The Troubles

Dear dedicated readers,

I apologize for being an absentee blogger..However, it was not all my fault! Really!

As you may have noticed, I am never too shy to write, never at a loss for the written word. So the troubles began some time ago when I could no longer log into my blog page. Yep-what the heck!! I didn't change my password nor did I delete myself..Hmmm. My son's profile is always open. Perhaps he tried to download a new version of Chrome etc...

So I rectified the situation which was not easy as the other email address on file was my old one from the real estate days!! Plan B was then invoked. So many wonderful things and odd things I wanted to share I could not share with you which added to my frustration.

And then, one day, my whole profile disappeared from my computer!! Holy heck..what now?? All my farm info, photos, contacts..etc... ACCOUNTING!!!! Crap. Some of this stuff was backed up but trying to replace some or find it through a backdoor can be time consuming. So off the computer went to be repaired. I think I will purchase my Mom's laptop from her as she can no longer use anything like a keyboard and I need something where nobody else will disturb the status quo.

Meanwhile, the lambs have arrived, the sheep have been shorn and I am still working full-time. I am quite proud of being able to pay off some bills. It takes a lot of discipline to not blow my pay on other things. Peace of mind is priceless!

So please accept my apologies for the virtual snub-photos of lambs, fleece and much much more are coming soon!

At A Loss For Words...

Yesterday I attended the AGM for the Heritage Livestock Club of Eastern Ontario. It was a good opportunity to network with folks and I learned a few things about my soil which should help with my garden this year. On Feb 23 I started a new short-term job. As a result, I don't find myself having much time for scrolling pages on Facebook and checking out new patterns on Ravelry. I still must tend to the animals when I come home.

My job is tedious and no computer nor phone on my desk. Cell phones are not allowed as I deal with confidential information and it stays that way. I am however grateful as the job is inside and clean and no heavy lifting. It will also permit me to pay a few bills and put them to bed once and for all.

Last night I tried to catch up on a few things that I had missed including the wonderful Birthday messages that folks sent. Thank you! And yet, last night I found myself crying. I was crying for someone I had never met. Make that 2 people to whom my acquaintance is merely via Facebook as we raise sheep and chickens.

This dear woman lives in Maine, with her adult son. She is retired but has difficulty using one arm. she too is a story teller and I enjoy reading some of her posts and seeing photos of her Icelandic sheep. Her last post announced that her daughter had arrived and they were headed to the funeral home. What?? Who died? Her daughter lives out of state and with all the storms recently, her flights had been delayed and cancelled one after another. I anxiously scrolled down to see if I could be enlightened .  Many stories were posted. Not her usual type of stuff and a few poems...Here I get to  a post about the township bringing her cards and helping her cut and stack firewood. Oh geez- I am thinking the worst now. Her son does all those things for her...this is looking bleak.

I then read something about her walking to the spot where her son began his spirit journey. That's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I did not need to read further to find out it was indeed her "right hand man" who had died and I also knew from those words that he had killed himself.

What a shame. What a loss. How horrible.. all these thoughts. Mental illness is a tough one. couple that with physical pain and well, I can't claim to understand how one's mind works. He attempted to get the help he needed but in the US, it seems different from here according to friend.

Two things I can learn from this tragedy is you never know how strong you are until you are required to be strong. And, the creative soul is not necessarily a tormented soul. It simply feels and thinks on a different plane.

Eric, may you find the peace you were looking for.

February 12th, Coundown is On!

It's February..and it would seem one of the snowiest and coldest in some time. Luckily today the sun is shining albeit briefly. I have a small window between the gusts of wind predicted and now to fill the horse trough. I must take the hose from the basement, through the window, attach to spigot outside, return inside to turn water on from the basement and watch and hope that water comes out and flows freely before lugging to the trough. sometimes there is ice in the hose, sometimes the tap is frozen...Awkward and time consuming.

What is getting me through these tougher days of winter is the lambing countdown! As of today 44 days until a bouncing lamb should appear. By then I also hope to see a bit of greenery, perhaps a tulip poking through the ground and song of Robins!!

Yesterday I attended the Annual Chesterville Spin-In. Always well-attended and I just scratch my head at so much talent condensed in a small space. I learned how to properly use the drum carder my friend Merrilyn Mulligan had lent me a few months ago. I had tried it, did not think what was occurring was the right thing so stopped. So, I brought it yesterday and one lady just walked past, noted that it was an older model and needed to be adjusted and she proceeded to do so! And then we played with some fleece I had washed and brought. Not only are these folks talented they are generous with their knowledge and time.

Nancy MacMillan, organizer of the event spent some time teaching a man to spin with a drop spindle. He was enthralled by it all and purchased some roving from me. He lived nearby and wanted to support local business. As did many others that day. I sold enough to pay for hay and chicken feed this week!! Now, to get more sold in order to buy panels for sheep jugs as there will be a population boom come May-about 5 ewes will deliver then.

Off I go, water the horses, grain the sheep, collect eggs and then an afternoon of knitting...I hope!
Enjoy your February day!

Those Darn Men!

About a month ago, my friend's husband collapsed after doing a fitness test for his work place. A scary week ensued as they did not know what happened and if it could happen again or can it be prevented. My friend coped very well during that week of hospitalization. I feared for him, for her and their future;the fear coming from not knowing what will happen next. It certainly made me ponder in amazement. This came out of the blue, no warning and your lives can be changed forever.

He will be returning to work in the next few weeks but on a part-time basis. I know that there are far worse scenarios such as a sudden death, however are we really prepared? What I mean by prepared is beyond the will and life insurance. Prepared to live out the rest of our years with someone who has become incapacitated physically, mentally, sometimes both..or even live without that person? I sometimes kid and wish my husband away but my turn had come 2 weekends ago.

At 5 am my husband woke me to tell me he was feeling strange. Strange how? did you do anything? He took some Robax for his back. He had taken some in late June and never reacted to it. In the matter of minutes, his lips were swollen, his face, eyes.. a rash appeared and then he dropped to the kitchen floor because he could not breathe! 300lbs dropping to the kitchen floor is not easy to sit up to encourage breathing. Luckily my son heard something and had woken up to go to the washroom and came to see what the commotion was. He helped me lift my husband so he could breathe and call 911. My cell phone was off but takes a few seconds to turn on. those seconds seemed to take forever. So from now on I keep my phone on at all times.

So he is having an allergic reaction-full tilt. Ambulance says they will be there in 30 to 40 minutes? Are you kidding me? The hospital is a 10 min drive max! And at this time, we could get there in 7!! Finally EMTs show up, they can't find a vein to jab-nothing new for my husband he is tough to tap. Epi-pen it is! That only lasts 30 min. Get to hospital and we play the same game with hiding veins.My poor son has a "thing" about blood and needles so he kindly left to feed and water the animals for me.

So after a Baker's dozen of attempts, they finally found a vein. I think I would have lost it by then being jabbed so many times but tough guy took it in stride. I eventually went home to continue with what one does at home including cleaning up the mess of the Emts and their equipment and boots. It made me wonder what the scene looks like after something more spectacular occurs...Around 1:30pm he was ready to come home, tired and not so puffy but now wiser to his allergy to
Ibuprofen!! An Epi-pen is in his lunch bucket.

All those thoughts occurred to me about being able to live in my home on my own should the outcome not be good. And I believe I am pretty resilient but I will be doing more things for myself in the future. I hope he does the same too.

New Year's Sermon

I would like to wish you all a Happy New Year. It's been a long time coming but I don't want it to be the greeting card type of New Year. I want you all to have the New Year you so hoped for and deserve. The New Year that has you excited and energized much like one feels at a good New Year's eve party!

I look back on 2014 and can't help but think of some of the events that took place. We humans rotate towards the negative, almost wired for it so I try to remember the nice things, the pleasant things, the things that keep one going in the face of adversity and disaster. That's all they are. Little things, moments, words that can move a person to overcome whatever roadblock you may face. It is that simple.

When faced with bad situations, like the death of a loved one, a pet, the loss of a job, a failed relationship, we always try to make sense of it all. Again, being human gets in the way. Life goes on. It goes on with an ache in your heart but you are still drawing breath and able to make changes and make a difference in your life and the life of others. My Grandfather told me : "No matter what happens in a day, the sun will always come up in the east and set in the west." Some things we can't change no matter how hard we try. The gift is to accept early on  that we can't always alter things, but at least give it a try! It is ok to feel bad but don't let it take over.

 It's a bitterly cold day here. Morning chores are done and I can't say how wonderful hand knit wool socks are a on a day like today. the wool socks have helped me get over the brief adversity of being cold. So, folks, try to figure out what small things can help you conquer your big rocks and may you be a t peace with the results.

And Now A New Beginning Or Is It The End?

It seems that many people I know have suffered a loss this year. Whether it be the loss of a job, a loved one, pets, independence, you get the picture,it has been a trying time for many: including myself.

My losses however,have been through my one choices. I chose to sell my Canadian horse as we didn't see eye to eye and I honestly can't justify paying to keep her as I am not benefiting in this relationship. She is best suited elsewhere where she would be used. As for the sheep,I made the decision that an aggressive ram that is busting up my barn not just in breeding season, also must go. However, he is not suited on a hobby farm or small farm in fact..I hate to think of sending him to the salebarn..And Trickster,same thing. The surgery required to correct his issue is just not feasible for a wether. It sounds glib but,there will be more. It's that simple. When you breed, you will get rams and the old can be replaced with a better suited prospect.

So there it was decision made. I don't eat lamb or mutton but I had decided that the best thing for these two was the abbattoir. They have both had good lives here and the most difficult part in all this is for me to come to the decision. Letting go is definitely the most difficult thing when you have seen them born on your own farm.

I was about to post them to be picked up for a small fee as I can't afford to bring them in anywhere when a FB friend posted that her sister and partner had had their freezer full of meat stolen. The two had worked on a CSA farm and made preserves and sold them in exchange for the meat. All that hard work gone. Of course they were disappointed but they saw that the problem went deeper than that. Who feels the need to steal food? Ponder on that.

So I contacted my cyber friend and offered the two boys provided they were picked up as I have no means of transportation. So,on Monday,they were loaded up and on their way to the Kingston are. The abbattoir is run by what is left of the Kingston Penn farm program, or something to that effect. Inmates work there providing them with another trade and some life changing experiences like witnessing the birth of animal and even assisting in the process.

Above is what I was brought by the hard working young man  and his girlfriend. He even bought some of my wool to support my business. And, if possible, he may even process the hides for me. I was in awe. Something terrible for both parties and with a bit of networking, it has turned into something  good, something rewarding almost. I still shed some tears but I know that the boys have fulfilled a purpose; just not the one I had originally planned.